He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize