Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
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she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
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Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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