oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
