is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
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