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A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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