mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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