You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
