I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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