I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blew my weed a kiss
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize