take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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