There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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