we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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