Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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