I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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