I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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