I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
