Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
