Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
