hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize