Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
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I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
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I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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