its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
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TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
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I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
this hospital has no fireball
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize