I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
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The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
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When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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