I'm so fucking centered right now
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
