Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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