Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just want nice things and good sex
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
