I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
