You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
