I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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