I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
