Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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