weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
