i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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