What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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