My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Oh god it's open bar.
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