I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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