Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
