Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
