The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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