haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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