I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
