So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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