I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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