Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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