she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
