so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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