He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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