you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize
