I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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