I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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