I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
