We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
