Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
