I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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