please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
