Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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