recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
