Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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