Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
